What Is Going On?

[Written for parents, but useful for everyone.]

*If you are just jumping into the parent track, read “What’s a Favorite Color Matter?” to get caught up.

So you know your kid’s favorite color, now what? What do you do with it and other things and favorites you obviously know? Well, you continue to fill the list until there is nothing else you can think of. Step 1, State The Obvious, is all about getting on paper the clear, evident things that you know about your kids. You may have four sheets completed or just one line. Either way, it is okay.

At the end of the day, our goal is deeper connection with our kids. It is amazing what simply knowing a favorite color does to your relationship. To have a genuine bond, it takes investment. Step 2, Research, helps provide greater INsight into your child’s world. It is a fun, healthy way to be a stalker.

Sure, Step 1 would show you that I know my daughter’s favorite game right now is Roblox, but it was my research into Roblox that deepened our relationship. We now both enjoy playing Roblox and I can actually converse with her about it and what she does on it on a deeper level. Earlier on, I missed so many great conversations with her because I had not done my research.

What research can you do? The research can be based on your lists in Step 1 or more vague. Research has no limits. We want to connect with the most influential people in our kids’ lives and ask questions. Your parents, neighbors and kid’s friends may see things about your child when they spend time with them that you do not notice when your kids are with you.

First, use your ears. As you go about your usual routines, keep a mental record or write down immediately when you hear certain things. You may notice yours kids will not stop talking about this or that – which means that topic really matters to them. While at dinner, on the road, at the park, during the holidays, what consistent themes do you notice? Which few people do they prefer to connect with? What types of TV shows do they prefer?

But do not stop there, meet face-to-face with the people that mean the most to your kids. Share with them your intentions, so they know that you are genuine. I literally do this with those I connect with and my daughter too. I say, “I really want to know Eden as best as possible so I can be the best father possible.”

Take notes as you connect with these people. Add them to your State the Obvious list or make a separate Research list. It does not matter at this point. You may later create a detailed scrapbook or a file on your computer. You know your organization style better than I.

Also, do not forget about the power of the internet. Research there as well, for more information around your kids’ interests. If your kids like to sing or act, find local plays or concerts to enjoy together. But don’t simply go to anything, research their favorite genres and styles to ensure you are pinpointing your kids’ uniqueness. We don’t want to go to the local punk show if our son is interested in rap. Nor do we want to take them to a hip hop dance show when they are interested in ballet.

See what you can find out about their age/phase of life. Discover what kids or adults their age are dealing with physically, mentally and emotionally. Your findings will help with how you connect today versus next year and beyond.

Do not worry. This may feel like a lot, but so much of this will become more clear during the next step (my favorite step) – Getting In.

Until next time…