It Continues With a Conversation

[Written for families, but useful for all.]

“So, how was it?” I asked. I had patiently waited about thirty, long minutes to ask this anticipated question. You see, if I arrive any later than about thirty minutes before the afternoon bell, it feels like the wait exponentially multiplies. So, I anxiously sit in the carpool line.

Her beautiful name is called and echoes from the loudspeaker. I slowly approach the curb, then come to a stop. The polite, safety patrol opens the rear, passenger door. My daughter crawls in. And just before the door closes, “Have a great day!” the smiling patrol exclaims. Finally, I get to ask my first of many questions. “So, how was it?” I asked.

“Good,” she said. I am always glad to hear “good.” She uses several other positive terms to describe good days, and I don’t mind those either. They are much better than the occasional, not so good days. The interesting dialogue continues as we travel along, and she has no idea. It was a setup for Step 3. 

•••

GET CAUGHT UP: Read about Steps 1 and 2 using the following links:

• What’s a Favorite Color Matter?
• What Is Going On?

•••

Step 3, also known as Getting In, is my favorite. Why? Because I get to connect face-to-face. There is nothing more intimate about any relationship than connecting face-to-face. Phone calls, video chats, texts, handwritten letters, emails, nor morse codes come close. I love connecting with people in person.

You may be reading this in hopes of repairing a strained relationship with your daughter, son, mom, or dad. Your family relationships may even be incredibly close. I don’t know. Whether young or old, talking with our own kids or family members is interesting. What I have found though, is that proximity improves perspective. Clients who thought their relationship was permanently marred, reconciled through closer proximity. Maybe it will work for you! Here’s how to do it.

So, now is the time. It is finally time for the INgagement. This is going to be so good! Ready? Well, hold your horses! Not quite yet. Just a tiny bit of preparation first.

To prepare for Step 3, use the information from Steps 1-2 to select the best location to connect. It may be their favorite restaurant, park, or even your dining room (if you make their favorite home-cooked meal). Once the location has been determined, briefly review your findings from Steps 1-2. Now it’s time to get in!

Let your kid know about your “date” ahead of time, but you don’t have to broadcast that it’s a date or special occasion. I am a huge fan of surprises, so I typically act like it’s a normal event happening. There’s no right or wrong way to approach it. But, if you have questions, please ask away in the comments. If they insist on knowing what it’s all about, feel free to share what’s on your heart. In the past, I have said, “I want to have the strongest possible relationship with you.” Honesty speaks volumes. Being genuine is paramount.

Now, it’s hard for me to tell you exactly what to do during Step 3. There’s no formula that I can give you to INgage with someone that I don’t know. However, I can help out a lot if you reach out to me. Simply leave a comment or send a message and we can setup a free consultation. Here’s what I can tell you though. Be yourself and keep your ears open. As you INgage in dialogue, you will learn so much – more than you will be able to remember. Be in the moment and soak it up! If there are things you want to know, ask. If there’s no response at all, share things about yourself that they don’t know.

Once your face-to-face INgagement ends, take time to document what you have learned. All of your findings are valuable information. By recording these moments, we get to deepen our relationships during future moments together. Maybe next time, we will have a small gift specific to something mentioned during the first INgagement. Remembering things that people don’t realize you captured leaves a happy scar – a permanent impression – for a lifetime. We will talk more both that in future posts.

Until next time…